


Buttressed with Truth

by MaeveBran



Category: The Americans (TV 2013)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3517748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeveBran/pseuds/MaeveBran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation that should have happened after 1.03 "Gregory". Phillip and Elizabeth work on telling the truth to each other so that their marriage might get real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buttressed with Truth

“ _You've lied to me for fifteen years_ ,” Phillip's angry words echoed in Elizabeth's head as he went off to the meeting that Robert had set up and all through the rest of the night.“ _I don't lie to you, Elizabeth. I never have. I never have. And you tell the truth to him?_ " 

She had never thought that their fake marriage was true. She thought he was lying to her, telling her the things he thought someone in their position would say and do. But the anger and hurt in his voice said something different. Suddenly her world shifted. The last fifteen years made more sense. She had wondered why he had kept trying to initiate physical intimacy with her after they had had the two requisite children. She had thought he would get enough release with Annelise, Martha, and all the other women he'd had to seduce in the name of Mother Russia, but if he'd had feelings for her, then it made sense.

Fifteen years, Phillip had reached out to her, both physically and emotionally, and she had rebuffed him. She was starting to wonder what kept him by her side. Was it the mission? Or did he truly love her? Fifteen years of being turned down and turned away and she would be running in the other direction after fifteen months, yet he had stood at her side, watched her back, and supported her, both at home and on the job – both jobs, not that the travel agency really required much in the way of back up, but he had worked the long hours in the rushes for Spring Breaks and June honeymoons with her. How many times had he bandaged her, taped her bruised ribs, and helped her with the makeup to hide the bruises from the kids? She had lost count. If love was action then he had proved it over and over again.

Elizabeth was not comfortable sharing her thoughts. She had only ever really done so to Gregory and she was just beginning to realize her mistake. She had chosen the wrong man to trust with her innermost thoughts. She should have been trusting her partner. Gregory showed his jealousy in the ugliest way by telling Phillip. Phillip, who while angry, still carried out the mission and came home with her. He could have walked out, not come home, but he did.

She looked over at him as he moved painfully slow to get the ice pack out of the freezer. If he could stand to stay with her, she would take the next step and open up to him.

“ _I was seventeen when I joined the K.G.B._ ,” Elizabeth began. She continued to share how she had fallen for Gregory. “ _It never really happened that way for us. Did it?_ ”

“ _No_ ,” Phillip agreed, softly. She could see, now that she was looking, how much this hurt him.

“ _And I'm – I'm so sorry. I wish that it had_ ,” she said as she started to cry. This was harder to do than she thought but she needed to do it.

Phillip nodded. Elizabeth took that as a good sign. Maybe she hadn't completely burned her bridges and they could make something of this mess, now.

“ _But I feel like it is happening now_ ,” she said as she covered his hand on his coffee mug with hers. She left it there for a minute. She was just about ready to pull her hand away, thinking it was too little, too late, when he turned his hand over and clasped hers.

“I wasn't much older when I joined the K.G.B.,” Phillip said after five minutes of just holding her hand. “When I was selected, I had a girlfriend. A serious one. I was going to propose to her after the year of leadership training was over.” He rubbed his thumb across the inside of her wrist. He knew this was going to hurt her as much as her words about living with a strange man had hurt him, but he knew she needed to know she wasn't the only one who had felt that way.  
“It didn't work out that way,” she said.

“No,” he agreed. “Instead I got put with you. I had her picture with me that day that Zhukov introduced us. I knew why I'd been called to his office so right before he came to the waiting room for me, I tore it up and threw it away. Since that day, I've tried to be the best husband to you I could be.”

“I never would have guessed there had been someone else,” Elizabeth said.

“You weren't supposed to know,” Phillip said. “I'm only telling you now so that you know, you weren't the only one floundering around in a strange country living in a strange house with a stranger you were supposed to be married to. I get that feeling. I just wanted to be the one you turned to so that living with a stranger became a thing of the past.”

He drained his coffee and stood up. The clock said it wasn't long until the children got up. He might as well go get dressed and face the day on no sleep. If he tried, he wouldn't sleep anyway. He put his mug in the sink.

Elizabeth came up behind him at the sink and put her arms carefully around him. She lay her head on his shoulder. She had no words so she let her actions convey what she was feeling.

Phillip was surprised to feel his wife come up behind him. Elizabeth had been initiating physical contact more in the last three weeks but it was still a surprise. He leaned into the contact he had longed for, for so long. The stress of lying to everyone but each other had been a strain and he had wanted the reassurance of the one person who knew what he'd had to do but still wanted to be with him. Their marriage wasn't perfect, and it never wold be as long as they did what they did, but it was looking up. 

He turned in her arms and caressed her cheek. She leaned into his hand and kissed his palm. He leaned down and brought his lips to hers. She left her arms around him but leaned in and deepened the kiss. He pulled her closer, forgetting about his injury and not caring. 

“Aw gross,” Paige said as she walked into the kitchen. She secretly like the sight of her parents being all loving since it was a rare sight, but she had an image as a teenager to maintain.

Elizabeth dropped her hands from around him and went to grab the bowls for cereal. Phillip watched her go. Their marriage may have been built on orders and lies but it now seemed that just maybe they'd be buttressing it with truth from now on.


End file.
